April 3, 2014
Every time I tried to put an end to war, someone would jump up and slap my basketball away from the hoop. Whenever I tried to save animals, or end cruelty, or help the homeless, they would do the same thing. Just like everyone always told me, "You can't change anything, Ronnie." Maybe they all were right. But it wasn't my fault. Strangely, it's those same guys saying that I can't change anything who are always playing defensive basketball with my good intentions.
Why are you here, and why do you want to know about me, anyway? I should be wanting to know about you! I've been nothing without you, my old Cocaine Kiss friends. And I've missed you all so.
Oh well. You're here now, so I'll tell you a little bit about what's been going on with me.
Did you know that in the song that you should hear playing right now, "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol, the lyrics should probably be,
It makes perfect sense when you think about it. We need Annie! We mustn't forget Annie. Michael Jackson sang about Annie. [YouTube] Nine Inch Nails did, too. [YouTube] And even John Denver. [YouTube] These are just some of the things you notice as a Tribute author.
Did you also know that "Snow Patrol" would have made an excellent name for one of Mary's poems? This one, from The Just Mare Story. She used to say I laughed like Scooby-Doo, so "Chasing Cars" is appropriate for an page, don't you think?
I also think that U2's song, "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses" (YouTube video), should have been written,
For Annie's spirit to haunt."
Because that's pretty much what happened to me! Annie was an orphan, you know. But this is not the Annie that you remember.
Annie is my imaginary friend, and she's funny! She helps me write and she keeps me company when I'm alone.
You must be thinking right now that I was dropped on my head one too many times as a baby.
Well, I wasn't! I guess I'm just mentally cracked from living in my own hell for so long.
Update: I've lost Annie. Hadn't heard from her in a long time. :sniff:
I'm certainly not the same person I was when I created this site. I'm maybe a little bit sadder, and a lot more funny! Kind of because Annie is keeping me company and her sense of humor is rubbing off on me, but also because if I act sad they want to give me meds and put me in an asylum. And all I have to fend them off is a pillow-case full of soda cans that I like to call my poetry, and a few write hooks.
It's hard to believe we're not allowed to be depressed. I mean, it's not like there's not anything in this world to be sad about, right? Nuh-uh. We must be mentally deranged if we let things bother us at all. But this site has always been about entertaining you guys, and a lot of depressed people used to come here. So, I hope to make you laugh and make you cry. I hope you're pleased with the new me!
Earlier, I was thinking about just how much I hated this world. And now all I'm thinking about, as I'm re-creating this website from old parts, is how I can make you feel most at home. I guess that's me in a nutshell.
You may not know this and maybe don't care, but much of the Cocaine Kiss poetry and stories, especially "The Golden Branch," were in essence, the forerunner to "The Corpse Bride." You'll see the resemblences if you look for them. I posted a clip from the movie on YouTube to show it to you, but it got removed from YouTube on copyright grounds. The video clip was the part where Victor finds Emily's (Mare's) hand coming out of the grave.
I gave my poetry for free on the Internet long before that movie came out, and when it did come out, I was pretty heartbroken. I couldn't watch movies for years, and couldn't write either. I guess I took it too much to (he)Art. I guess! Is this a case of a copycat murder? Or was it just a "morbid" coincidence?
In any event, I documented the "coincidences" in the following letter to a lawyer, though there was little that could be done in the end due to the statute of limitations. Letter
This site was written mostly in the early 90's. Twenty-five years later and I'm pretty much over what happened with my relationship with Mare. It's all in the past. But since then I've come to the realization that I couldn't throw it all away, and I decided to publish my old poetry in book form. I put it all back online again so you can preview my book before you buy it. You can read my entire book online now and then just buy it if you want to support me.
I would just like to say, in the past I've said some things on this site about Just Mare that I never should have said. That is not the way you treat someone you love. I guess the fact that I was so young is not much of an excuse. I was even ashamed back then, and I had no idea anyone would see my writing besides her when I wrote it. The vulgarity is one of the reasons I didn't use our real names. I'm not really like that. If anybody else called her a "whore", I would have punched them in the face. But I was a much bigger whore myself! So what can I say? You can't erase things from the Internet.
You all knew I loved her, didn't you? Didn't I make it obvious? I thought I did. Apparently, it wasn't obvious to everyone. I loved her more than life itself. So I'm just going through and correcting things as I find it warranted to do so, and now I think it's warranted. Maybe if I just keep tweaking these pages, my fingers will find the right juxtapositions, and this damned cube will actually do something.
And so what if I jack up some old poetry, anyway? The old me wouldn't have cared. Why should I care? When everything's made to be broken.
I'm truly sorry, Mare, or whoever else I've ever shamed. I guess I eventually got what I deserved. Nothing at all.
content on this web page is copyright 2014 by Ronald Randazzo.